I don't even wish that I could hire someone to do it, regardless of whether or not I had the money, which I don't. I mean, what's the fun in saying, "Oh yeah, I payed someone to paint my kitchen." No, I'd want all of the glory of the task, but none of the sweat that comes in actually DOING it. I want others to revel in my workmanship, to compliment me on my handiwork, and cream their pants over my taste in color combinations. I do not, however, want to hold a paintbrush for another goddamned second.
It was the same story with the office floor. When we moved in, we had an extra bedroom that we decided to convert into an office. Taking the lead of my techno-savvy father, we decided to rip up the carpeting and lay vinyl tile that has the look but not the expense of ceramic tile. It was the self-adhesive kind, that comes square-by-square with a sticky back, and it was a bitch to lay. We had to de-goo our hands after every other tile we laid, which made the already heinous task that much more annoying. I won't post a picture of this process, as all photographic record show both of us to be pissed, perpetually scowling and cursing at the vile flooring.
So, you remember when my new boss, in the course of my one interview, the one where she hired me on the spot, which kind of surprised me, since I've never been hired on the spot before, when she told me that I'd be getting an "allowance" of $850 a month? No? Well, that's what she told me.
I thought of how poor I was going to be, compared to what I had been making in the corporate blackhole. But I was ready to make the change. I'm really not kidding when I say the place was a blackhole. They reel you in with high wages, and trap you into doing the shittiest job in the world. You can't leave because of the excellent pay and benefits, and the dangerous proposal of "profit sharing checks" that come but once a year. As a non-college graduate, I was making more money there than I had any right to make, and I knew it. They make it very easy to hate your job, and supremely difficult to leave it. So, I was determined to make the break!
$850 a month. Okay, I told myself. You'll just have to get used to living the college student life again. You're planning to go back next year, anyway, why not get used to the lifestyle a year early?
Yeah. I came to the crushing realization today that, instead of the $850 that I had stripped and honed my budget down to, I would instead be receiving $650. I promptly raced home and turned off my air conditioning. Will I be forced to find a part-time job at Sav-A-Lot, the local white trash food mart? Blockbuster won't have me...yet. Until other money starts rolling in, I'll be forced to spend my free time with kitty, and rely on my poor, dear boyfriend to pay the bills, and pay him back in trade.
So it goes.
I've recently discovered a way to travel from the comfort of my dark little hole:
50 States - Sharing the Beauty of the United States
Here's a (slightly)doctored copy of the picture I submitted for Florida:
To the male unit in my household, personal hygeine is something to be practiced and not discussed. If you are of a like mind, you may wish to stop reading now.
I read somewhere that studies have shown you get the same effect from using mouthwash with essential oils as you do from flossing. As I have had a long and tumultuous relationship with my teeth, I figured I'd give it a shot.
As a kid, I couldn't help but constantly wiggle and worry my loose teeth. When I was 5, I was kicked in the mouth by a friend on a swing in the playground. While painful at the time, it served to entertain me for weeks on end with the sucking in and pushing out of my loosened front teeth.
My crowded mouth gave way to years of painful corrective dental work. I don't think there's anything closer to chewing on barbed wire than having a mouth full of braces. There were the colored rubber bands that you could get in your choice of Christmas or Halloween colors, all of which only served to make you look like you perpetually had food stuck in your teeth. Experiencing braces is not something you can describe through analogy. You just have to have them to understand it. Of course, several years and thousands of dollars later, I stopped wearing my retainers and my teeth have shifted into a not-so-straight situation.
Anyway, back to the mouthwash. Essential oil-infused mouthwash is not something one can pick up in a jaunt over to the Piggly Wiggly. I browsed the natural food grocers until I found one with a sufficiently cute name: Kiss My Face FreshBreath Mouthwash. This shit's got Aloe Vera, horse chestnut, tea tree oil, and a bunch of other stuff that does NOT include alcohol. No sweat, I thought. It'll be mild, and a revolutionary move for my poor, flossless mouth. Picture proof:
I should have known I wouldn't get off so easy. The burn of this mouthwash rivals even Listerene's blaze. I figure it's kind of like that concept "If it hurts, it must be working", but this is a little ridiculous. I've noticed that my morning breath taste is not as rank as previously noted, so maybe it's actually working. Or maybe the essential oils are attacking my taste/smell buds, and my mouth will be useless in a matter of days. We'll see.
More hygeine product placement:
This stuff is new. And it's orange. I think it kind of tastes orange, too, but not really. I guess I can't really identify the taste, and I'm trying to associate the taste with its color. I dunno.
I came home from work the other night, and the boy brings me to the office, saying, "I think there's something you need to see." I proceed to watch a video of my sweet little dumpling of a kitty playing with a FUCKING SNAKE!
Here are some blurry vidcaps:
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So, I've made the humble decision to quit my corporate job and try to do something gratifying, namely teach kids to read and spend more time with my cat.
Nobility comes with its drawbacks, of course (read: I'm going to be poorer than fucking fuck). I'll also have more time on my hands than before, unless I choose to do something about previously noted fucking poorness and get a second job. What I might do instead (and this seems the more likely scenario) is get some reading and writing done, take some pictures, and listen to lots and lots of music. I won't even watch much tv, since we've decided to just get an antenna and not have cable television. Sure beats slaving away for the man. I'll give up tv for that.
